"BEYOND THE WALL"

I wrote this many years ago, as I began dating my husband & had a huge wall up to protect me...in the end, there was no need :)


Beyond the wall

She’s built so high

Is a woman who feels

And yes, she does cry

She appears so strong

As she holds him at bay

But she’s really thinking

“I hope he will stay”

She can’t let him in

Although he does try

She’d be too exposed –

My God, she would die!

For in her head,

That Voice drones on –

Saying over and over

“One day he’ll be gone”

Then where would she be

With her heart on the floor

Rejected and hurt

And alone once more

“Don’t let down your guard!”

It screams and it shouts

As the other voice struggles

“Stop having these doubts!”

So they fight inside her

Day after day

Each of them sometimes

Getting their way

She wants so badly

To let go and feel

All the magic and joy

Of a love that is real

But she’s only a Pawn –

The one who hides

In the corner away

From these battling sides

She is weak and frail

So the others must stay

In order to keep

All that pain locked away

Beyond the wall

Is a Garden of Fear

Where they all reside

So comfortably here

First there is Anger –

The one who Explodes

At the drop of a hat

As her inside erodes

Next there is Need –

With a hole in its soul

That can never be filled

Though that is her goal

Then there’s Control –

Who must have the power

She’s strong and stubborn

So she guards the tower

For once she was helpless

It can’t happen again

Now she’s in control

And determines just when

Sadist dwells here

Along with the rest

She’s vindictive and cold

When she’s at her best

She must punish others

Like she used to be

Make Them all feel Hurt

Maybe then they will see

Self-Hate is present

To remind her she’s dirt

To perpetuate the pattern

And continue the hurt

So that’s just a taste

Of what does occur

Beyond that great wall -

They’re all part of her